actually, this should be a rhetorical question, "why do i love assholes?"
change that, it should be a question with an answer. Why could anybody love anybody that brings them pain? I'd honestly like to blame my father. Enter patriarchal syndrome. He just brought me up with too much tough-love.
But I am, how old? That's right. 26. Too old to fucking blame daddy and mommy for a brain cell that insists on clobbering itself to death on some assholes footsteps.
wtf? why am i censoring this? this is a fucking rant!
and bleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggggggh!
I've just met way too many assholes, and yes, i've even met the classic goodie guy, that i just cannot like because he's just too goodie. (even tho i'm a goodie goodie myself) (bleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh)
this essay has to come to some sort of logical conclusion, and a decision not to love pain.
(i'm blanking out. i need ideas. enter wisdom here please.. i'm so pressed to write wise words when i enter this blog, but really i'm just stupid, so have no expectations. this girl is some stupid enough to love assholes)
gawd, this is supposed to be self-affirmative.
I'm always swinging between stupid narcissism of i'm just such a hot superfox (encouraged no doubt by my bible, 'he's just not that into you') (how ironic!) and some self-degrading image. but really they both feed into the same self-concern of how i come across. like right now, i really care how these words sound.
and this is such verbal diarrhoea... so its not very pleasant.. its also emotional diarrhoea... but it needs out.
Okay, I am *not* going to accept assholism. No more shit. And I'll be absolutely honest and KIND when I say to an asshole how he is being an asshole (rather than that he is an asshole). Gawd, i don't know why i cannot just drop-delete people out of my life. Its not even drop delete, its like avoiding pain. why can't i do it?
stay strong, chi stay strong. :) please.
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