day stretched like a mirror.. a long face..
some stupid poem i wrote a few ages ago. so there i am again. it feels like all the shit is stored in concentrated doses for a few hours, days or weekends. and this is my shit-week. been having a few of those.
the weekend before was just fine. I played with colours at holi, and my friends and i had a great time dancing and all. The next day I was in port said and hating the whole world and worried sick about my father who is worried sick about his business. really, sometimes i wonder if the stress is worth it all. my father's friend says, 'do you want it all to go to someone else?' and i guess i do see the logic in that. but then, i really couldn't care at times. i see myself getting angrier, more cynical, shreweder.. and this is not the person i love. i see myself as a conniving, penny-chasing idiot - a complete turnabout of my ideal poetic philosopher wannabe self.
i wish now that i could go back to holi. maybe i'll do a paul (theatre-teacher) exercise in my head and imagine it all.. the smell of the colours we used - like wall paint - seeing my friends and feeling really really happy. dancing.
*for a moment i was there* really there *
so the reason i was so pissed off now, is that some stupid guy that PROMISED me some help in return for BAILING OUT on me just gave me an "its not my problem" line. I just told him to call dad in the future, and deal with him directly. The fat-ass even had the nerve to say "yes". I hope he has to go through some really interesting version of inferno where he begs everyone for help and they all promise to take him home or something and then leave him halfway because they find something self-indulgent to do, and then they tell him, "oh you're lost, oh i promised to show you the way, oh not my problem". i was thinking he will henceforth be known as fatass but i'd rather just forget him.
one more moment of the holi-day (not just holiday but the day of the festival holi) bliss and i'll be back to work..
3 comments:
Damn, Girl!
You sound like you need a vacation.
A REAL vacation.
Try to relax and not to stress out so much.
I know everything's going to be fine and I know you know it, too.
Love you, and remember I'm always here for you!
hey cupio!
good to hear from you.. always cheering me on as usual :) thanks girl! i hope it does turn out okay and you are right... I DO need a vacation. :)
chichi sweetheart....i think the business world gets the better of you. I think its lack of morals and lack of creativity yanks out one of your organs. it energizes you to a certain point and then it eats away at you like a virus because it does not contain the aesthetic elements that you love the most and live on. And I also get the feeling that youre doing it because youre emotionally obligated to. which is fine, in a sense, because all of us are somehow emotionally obligated to our parents and so on, and to not act up such feelings would make us feel quite rotten. the thing is, youd have to balance out the realist and the dreamer. put them on scales and make sure that one never weighs out the other. its the easiest way to deal with extremes in our feelings i think, to hold the stick in the middle and leave well enough alone, othewise our extremes could drive us close to insanity... hehe.. anyway... what i reeeeeeeaaallly like about this blog is that youve managed to make such gentle transitions between joy and sadness, between one situation and another. and youre the only one i know who can say 'shit' and 'fat-ass' without sounding vulgar.... :)... way tah go chichi!!
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