To write, or not to write..

That

is

was the question. :)

From my diary:

All I do is think - of the job I do not have,of the man I do not have and rue the time I have, which I did not have earlier.

The time I didn't have to learn Spanish, I have now.
The time I didn't have to play guitar, I have now.
The time I didn't have to pick up the recorder, I have now.
The time I did not have to write, I have now.

And yet - I rue the not-haves over the haves. If I weigh them all, I want my time, and I have it. Yet, I lose it to worrying over what I don't have. Time to reclaim, time to call back time, and make it mine. To be or not to be - to write or not to write, when there is only one truth which is that, I am here, and I must write.

Stupid Hamlet, to be or not to be, my ass.

Feel much better now that I dissed at Shakespeare's Creation! :)

When you are in the throes of work, the only question should be, in true Egyptian style English, "To pee, or not to pee".

"Three breaths, he thought.

Just three more breaths. Then I’ll go in and save my friend”.

So ends Andrew Miller’s Oxygen, a brilliant novel about second chances, about the opportunity to deliver oneself by saving others. The novel is dipped in the pain of disability, physical and emotional, and yet somehow redeems itself through the possibility of salvation – of opportunities that re-incarnate and re-present themselves, so that we may once again, save ourselves.

Okay, look at me waxing poetic, but that’s the novel rubbing off. Its definitely a think-read, and I did enjoy taking it at the slow pace that I did – I wouldn’t have want to rush through it feverishly like I would a Salman Rushdie. This book is fine wine, to be sipped, savoured, and lingered over. More Miller on this table, please!

Also, besides the setting in Paris, an author who has written Oxygène within the novel, Miller’s book also has the ambience of things French – in the language itself, in its elegance and maturity in things emotional – no embarrassed terseness, but a precise deliberation over emotions of every kind: loss, love, guilt, and surprise! - there is a part where the word leaped leaps out of the book just so, in italics.

Read more Byron...

...I should. (Yodaspeak)


I am so convinced of the advantages of looking at mankind instead of reading about them, and of the bitter effects of staying at home with all the narrow prejudices of an Islander, that I think there should be a law amongst us to set our young men abroad for a term among the few allies our wars have left us.
- Lord Byron

Ah, L'ignorance...

...I'm stupid. Well, or a big mouth at least.

Turns out the mag didn't take my ideas, much less do they think any of them is good enough.. *stumped*

I am changing name and moving country.

Kidding about that, but I do think this blog is not anonymous enough.

the good, the bad, and the ugly..

Dictionary.com has a strange way of catching up on my life.

Word of the Day for Tuesday August 16, 2005

numinous \NOO-min-uhs; NYOO-\, adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to a [1]numen; supernatural.
2. Indicating or suggesting the presence of a god; divine;
holy.
3. Inspiring awe and reverence; spiritual.

...one day after i quit my job and woke up to the email proffering a "perhaps" for a staff writer's position, for which I had my eye out, but wasn't getting anywhere.

And today we have:
dilatory \DIL-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:
1. Tending to put off what ought to be done at once; given to
procrastination.
2. Marked by procrastination or delay; intended to cause
delay; -- said of actions or measures.

which is completely true of what has happened to me today.. been putting it off till the 8th day of the week.

So many things have happened in so few days. This week I've quit from working with Dad, a job that was stressful, and suffocating and unproductive. I had a fallout with the brother, which is not too bad, things will come around - but I realise I am outsider to his life - and must be "as civil as strangers". I always wondered if that was a good lesson that my professor, Dr. Rodenbeck, gave to his children. "I expect you to be as polite to your family as you are to strangers".

I also said good-bye to someone, and will not try to talk to them again. I have never done that before - never been so decisive.

And then today I realise, once again, a magazine might have stolen my ideas.

And now I wish I had an anonymous blog, so that I could bitch and moan in public about matters of art and heart. But that's okay. I leave it your imagination. We all need to develop in that area, god knows i do :)

P.S. my sitemeter has recorded 0 hits for the past week. I know you're on summers and all, but hello? i'm good summer reading :)

can always count...

..on 43things for inspiration.

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

And this a day after I was reading about a character Laszlo in Andrew Miller's Oxygen who is wondering what amounts to what one can call success in life. Well, here's one answer.. but I do doubt Laszlo will agree.

I'm enjoying this book.



Will perhaps write a review up here after I've read it. No new news from the writing jobs I've applied to; shall have to resume search again, and pretend they didn't write me any 'wait till you are approached' kind of letters.

The bliss of ignorance?

Gawd, 43things has such cute quotes to share - and now there's a goal up there where we share quotes too. Here's one from 43:

Because of its tiny wings and heavy body, aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly. But the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it flies anyway.
- Mary Kay Ash

All this scientific, logical deliberation when really one could "just do it".

And speak of flying, I shall be leaving work soon. A week to be exact - the countdown has been on for a while. I even have 7 papers lined with numbers counting down each day - makes me happy every work-day morning to cast one to the dark recesses of the bin. Hahahahaha! I'll be done soon, and then I can go home, home, to Cairo. I'm anticipating a few days of good sleep, socialising and job-hunting should come in too.

It was very tough a few days ago - lost sleep, bad dreams - but this week things somehow worked out a bit better, and at least we have a plan we're much better at following. So, hopefully I should leave things here in a good state, with some loose ends tied quite well. That will grant me considerable peace of mind.