"The Power of the Present"

In one of the exercises in a workshop I took today called "Igniting the True Purpose of Your Life", we had to visualize what we would do knowing we only had five minutes to live. The exercise would demonstrate "the power of the present."

Our moderators gave us the exercise and left the room. Although this was the last exercise, I think it should have been the first.

It set me completely at ease. Instead of worrying over the past or future, it had me completely where I was, more focused on my environment and at ease in it rather than wondering/wandering. Also whereas the entire session I was thinking about how to apply these skills and how they would work for me, this one time I was just living the moment. I remember similar exercises with Paul Mitri in theater class where you just got a handle of where you were - felt where you were, smell, touch, taste.. so on..

I was just immensely comfortable, and felt like talking to the people around me. I tried to - to these two girls, but I think they didn't appreciate the intrusion. Yeah maybe I wouldn't either in my last five minutes. That relaxed state was strange, and I cannot recreate it. Even now, I am tense - jaw tense, frowning, mind-boggled.

I often look back, and want to smooth over the past, and erase so many things. And I want to be more open, more honest, but it's such a risky task. The world is not so kind, and I come off as naive rather than trusting - as if to trust was a stupid thing to do.

On my drive home, I just shared a friendly conversation with this taxi driver, and he asks if I would go to "'Aasal Iswid" with him. Crash right there, rescind all trusting fingers back into my closed fist. Jaw tense, frown in place, mind-boggled again.

When I was younger...

The Beatles make even the bad sound so much better.

I wish I knew a prayer that I could repeat to myself
On nights like this

When I don't know who I am
I could reach for You, and it would make sense.

I thought that life could be ticked off using achievements. Done this, got that, am here, over that. It's only recently I realized how restrictive that structure is - how much like a narrative - with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Emphasis on "the end" - as if things could be neatly tied up. That when you got your degree you could take it home and put it on the shelf and that would be it. That when you faced a fear, that you were its master. That you did not have to pull it out again, and prove it every day - who you are, what you stand for. Even if it were only to yourself.

Then again, what you are, what you want changes. And that that too is okay.

Desert Places

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

- Robert Frost, "Desert Places"

As you go along..

I make it up.

I make up days and months and letters written and torn over this loss.
I make up work and nights and waking dreams.
I make up my face, my mind, my resolve, then break it, and make it up again.

As you go, I go, too, back and forth, on my word, on my mind,
up and down with moods, up by day time and night time, with rational season and seasonal reason.
I make it up - like food, like poetry, like pottery.
then eat it, and breathe it, and break it. It goes in and out of existence.

Is it getting over and getting better, or maybe just forgetting more and forgetting better?
But now and then, here and there, time and again,
it does get better, as you go along, and as I make it up.

As I lay myself to sleep

As I lay myself to sleep
Thoughts rise up from the deep.
They keep me awake.

It's too hot; it's too cold;
I can't forget what I've been told
that day.

Dreams I've dreamt, loves I've left
Rise up from the place I've left
inhabit me.

Words and thought and metaphors
The turns I shall use in my prose
visit me.

Thoughts on a sleeplessness night, and remembering how when I put my head on the pillow I knew how I'd write this article.

Lessons from James Cameron

In this youtube on Tedtalks, director James Cameron talks about his work as a director, and the less-known work as an under-sea explorer and adviser on NASA.

Here are some of the lessons he found important to share:

1) Curiosity is the most powerful thing you own.

2) Imagination is the force that can manifest a reality.

3) Respect of teammates is something greater than all the laurels in the world.

And unlike what NASA says, failure is an option, but fear is not. Take the risk. Take the leap. This reminds me to get over my fear of not being able to complete my metro tour project, and just going out there and doing it.

Absolutely WRITE

Tonight I can write so many lines... (that's a play on some Pablo Neruda poetry)

I have been greatly inspired by this artist that I met up with yesterday. I met her at a party where she told me about her peripatetic project in Cairo. I asked her if I could walk along with her, and write about it as an article.

So just from meeting her at a party, I had an idea for an article. And walking with her has taken me down so many avenues of thought already, although it was only yesterday that we walked together.

I also realized that much as she breaks out of her ken by walking with different people, I break out of mine through my job as a journalist. I write about people and experiences I have never known before, and my job forces the structure of my approach. I go, I question, I find out, and I write. And like her, I have had accompaniment on all my journeys; in my case, a more or less constant one: my editor, Joe. And Joe has often pushed me to go at a faster speed, or to go beyond my imposed self-restrictions, basically beyond my set route or map to discover newer terrain, just as Amira discovers new places and experiences the city anew with people she goes with.

I was also thinking about how I get ideas for writing my articles. I remembered that while attending another concert yesterday as well, I sat next to this bunch, and I ended up eavesdropping on their conversations. Their comments will no doubt make their way into my writing as they did in my observation of the event. And the were also talking about Cairo Ultimate - a frisbee sport group which I then looked up on facebook, and then pitched to another editor as a story for an article.

It is funny how comments, conversations, and the stuff of everyday life makes its way into your work, and your writing. As is right. Absolutely!