Wednesday, May 5, 2010

When I was younger...

The Beatles make even the bad sound so much better.

I wish I knew a prayer that I could repeat to myself
On nights like this

When I don't know who I am
I could reach for You, and it would make sense.

I thought that life could be ticked off using achievements. Done this, got that, am here, over that. It's only recently I realized how restrictive that structure is - how much like a narrative - with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Emphasis on "the end" - as if things could be neatly tied up. That when you got your degree you could take it home and put it on the shelf and that would be it. That when you faced a fear, that you were its master. That you did not have to pull it out again, and prove it every day - who you are, what you stand for. Even if it were only to yourself.

Then again, what you are, what you want changes. And that that too is okay.

1 comment:

md said...

ohhhh. i too, sometimes see life as a list- when it isn't turning me inside out of course, and i have a few moments to pretend i can rationalize everything :P

in fact, life is simply one big learning curve, even when you have what you want -especially when you have what you want!! perhaps when we were younger we did not expect it to be anything else, but somewhere along the way, we thought we had it all figured out.. which is why it continues to baffle and blindside us!