"let's not talk"

...has been the hardest thing I've ever said, and the hardest resolution to follow through as well. It takes a kind of hard-hearted courage that does not come naturally.

And I have brilliant excuses to come off of the resolution - most notably, the Cosmic Excuse.

The Cosmic Excuse is that the universe is one, people are one, and equal, and equally lovable. Everyone is (like) me, and I am (like) all people. To deny someone my company, is to deny or reject myself. Thus, really I shouldn't be asking people not to talk to me.

Also Steve Pavlina confirms the interconnectedness between people in a nice article, saying how one should really not let fear come in the way of relationships...which could lead one to mistakenly think he is supporting the Cosmic Excuse.

But thankfully he is not. Pavlina himself gave the answer in another article:

You won’t be able to attract what you want while you’re still tolerating what you don’t want. You have to say “I quit” first. This is life’s test of courage. If you can’t summon the courage to quit what you know you don’t want, you certainly won’t have the strength to receive and hold onto what you do want. So you have to pass through this qualification test first. I know it sucks to have to go through it, but it’s there for a good reason.

You’re being asked, “Are you willing to step up? Are you willing to demand more from life? Can you prove you won’t settle for less than what you want?”

Yoko Ono once said that if she could only say one word all her life, that word would be "Yes."

Sometimes, in order to say "Yes," you have to say "No."

I Come From There

And interestingly, a friend sent me this on the day I wrote the first blog entry.

Apparently it was also submitted to that website by a C.K. It's a poem by the recently deceased Palestinian poet, Mahmoud Darwish, and touches on some of the same thoughts I found myself turning over on my plate the same day.

I Come From There

I come from there and I have memories
Born as mortals are, I have a mother
And a house with many windows,
I have brothers, friends,
And a prison cell with a cold window.
Mine is the wave, snatched by sea-gulls,
I have my own view,
And an extra blade of grass.
Mine is the moon at the far edge of the words,
And the bounty of birds,
And the immortal olive tree.
I walked this land before the swords
Turned its living body into a laden table.

I come from there. I render the sky unto her mother
When the sky weeps for her mother.
And I weep to make myself known
To a returning cloud.
I learnt all the words worthy of the court of blood
So that I could break the rule.
I learnt all the words and broke them up
To make a single word: Homeland.....


Submitted by C.K.

Mahmoud Darwish

Home Away from Home

I was born in one place, and my family moved to another place before I had a sense of place or time. There are so many ironies I could see in how mobile my life has been, coming from an already displaced race of people, but I'd rather not go down that spiral...

I have, though. Today, there was an over-dramatic quibble with the maid over some broken glass - and she flung the "No Egyptian would ever do that," statement at me. I literally held the door open for her. I did not want to hear it.

My sense of home is apparently more fragile than glass, because crying over it for hours seemed like a good idea. And if I poke at it, I'm sure I could prick out a few more tears. That is enjoyable and entertaining sometimes - feeling sorry for oneself.

But it has me thinking. I had disposed those questions of identity as outdated and 90s even earlier, when reading Camus was in fashion, and i was out-of-fashion (more lately it has recurred in The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri - and again, i remain behind the times).

Those questions remain - where do I belong? What do I call myself? I feel offended when people say I am not one identity - be it sindhi, or hindu, or egyptian, or muslim, or indian, or sufi, or whatever else i have elected myself to speak work act be...

And it bothers me, because others can break what has been after all forged by fire and breath - much like glass.

Four Eyed Monsters: Entire Film extended through Aug. 15th

yes, is super-long, and mucho abstract with a little bitta more ado that is like a postmodern hangover. But, ah, what matters that?

What matters is aye, I like it, and thou shalt, too...

...perhaps.. :)
let us know!

More standup comedy

Maz Jobrani married an Indian!! Woohooo!

Went out with colleagues from work and made some really fun jokes - one colleague said I should consider standup as a new profession - and told peeps at work I was such a clown! Woohoo! If only I could leave my dayjob for something like that hehe :)

For now, I'm happy being the audience ;)

Mitch Hedburg - On Dave Letterman

Mitch is my main man while I "work" :)

"If the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of, ain't funny"

"I don't need another step between me and toast."

I am reading Maeterlinck's Wisdom and Destiny at the moment. It's a source of amazement that I read anything these days. Being an (ex-) literature major, it should not be demanded of me either.

Maeterlinck: a lot of what is good around us these days (he wrote in 1898) is the result of people who took time to commune with themselves, while neglecting many-an urgent duty. Hm. I wonder if that is true. But I can imagine how distracted scientists are stereotyped as being. Maeterlinck also says there is some truth to every reproach. But one can always be accused of neglecting something or the other.

I'm getting to know someone, and it's scaring the be-jesus out of me. So I'm reading. Books, the last refuge. I'm into bibliomancy – I pick up books thinking I'll find clues as to what to do in life. But I don't know anything that prepares you for life, but life itself.

And nothing prepares you for guys. :P Not even the bible (aka He's Just Not That Into You).

But it's nice, and exciting, and heady getting to know someone, like having too many lilies in your room – very distracting and utterly romantic. One should not be allowed to have such thoughts.

Thank God I'm not planning baby names already. (don't think don't think don't think)