http://teaforjoy.blogspot.com/
and...
decor8blog.com
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
If I were braver, I would...
talk to him; maybe email, or leave a note saying something light like 'Where have you been? Lets meet for coffee.' Or even, 'We need to put what is past behind us. Bury it with me, please.' And see if there is something that lives today - friendship, or love, or anger that needs to be sent off on the waves, and just let go.
if i were braver i would just not be afraid to be alone right now. and do whatever it is that i am afraid to do. cry perhaps. but i wouldn't know what it is i'd cry about anyhow. perhaps because i am not alone. i fill my loneliness with all this blabber that i call writing.
i would look at myself clearly - and see the black as well as the white, the wrong, the you're-not-so-innocent, not-so-friendly, not-so-blameless side. look at it long and hard, long and hard , and then maybe.
maybe if i were brave, i'd change it. me. it in me.
maybe i'll just start by being brave.
(funny little postscript: i remember after a long fight with dad in my late teens / early twenties i said something perhaps wise-sounding, and he just hugged me and said 'be brave, my girl, be brave.')
(i think i love my Dad... more than i know.)
if i were braver i would just not be afraid to be alone right now. and do whatever it is that i am afraid to do. cry perhaps. but i wouldn't know what it is i'd cry about anyhow. perhaps because i am not alone. i fill my loneliness with all this blabber that i call writing.
i would look at myself clearly - and see the black as well as the white, the wrong, the you're-not-so-innocent, not-so-friendly, not-so-blameless side. look at it long and hard, long and hard , and then maybe.
maybe if i were brave, i'd change it. me. it in me.
maybe i'll just start by being brave.
(funny little postscript: i remember after a long fight with dad in my late teens / early twenties i said something perhaps wise-sounding, and he just hugged me and said 'be brave, my girl, be brave.')
(i think i love my Dad... more than i know.)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Bukowski on writing
writing
often it is the only
thing
between you and
impossibility.
no drink,
no woman’s love,
no wealth
can
match it.
nothing can save
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
falling.
the hordes from
closing in.
it blasts the
darkness.
writing is the
ultimate
psychiatrist,
the kindliest
god of all the
gods.
writing stalks
death.
it knows no
quit.
and writing
laughs
at itself,
at pain.
it is the last
expectation,
the last
explanation.
that’s
what it
is.
by Charles Bukowski
from blank gun silencer - 1991
stolen from: http://zosome.blogsome.com/2007/03/22/writing/
often it is the only
thing
between you and
impossibility.
no drink,
no woman’s love,
no wealth
can
match it.
nothing can save
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
falling.
the hordes from
closing in.
it blasts the
darkness.
writing is the
ultimate
psychiatrist,
the kindliest
god of all the
gods.
writing stalks
death.
it knows no
quit.
and writing
laughs
at itself,
at pain.
it is the last
expectation,
the last
explanation.
that’s
what it
is.
by Charles Bukowski
from blank gun silencer - 1991
stolen from: http://zosome.blogsome.com/2007/03/22/writing/
Stanley Jordan....
I should have a list of "God made..." items (as my friend Maz would tell you).
and God made Stanley Jordan. He is music sweet and perfect. At his concert yesterday at the Cairo Opera House - where I magically got a ticket when the house was full! - I couldn't help thinking of Harpo Marx from Marx brothers over and over again - in that one time where he plays on the harp.
I remember once when my cinema teacher had gone scene by scene in a Marx Bros film. At this scene, he (must have) had said something like, "See, how he plays like an angel."
"See, how he plays like an angel, this Stanley Jordan..."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
25 Things About Me.
1. Two things inspired me to write this list: all these lists on which I’ve been “tagged” on facebook, and Mary’s latest entry. If you’re reading this, chances are I want to know 25 things about you and more.
2. I am embarrassed and scoff at my own New-Agey nature. I also celebrate and love it.
3. I am highly self-critical and highly narcissistic. I will scorn and worship you equally.
4. I think in poetry. Example: paper = white = cloud = bird/dove = dove/love.
5. I don’t think I hate anybody; probably because I consider it a waste of effort.
6. I will text you things like, “the clouds are beautiful out today.” If you think texts are purely for sending information, I will probably bombard you with said messages.
7. I like annoying. I like pushing. I like being ironic. But I don’t like those things being done unto me.
8. I discovered speed dialing only recently. People on my speed dial (in order that their numbers are recorded) are Kailash (my brother), Mom, Dad, Joe, Nagham, Youssef. (I don’t have international dialing). Only 2 of those know about this blog. (As of 6 March, 3 people know, welcome Nagham!)
9. I love Kailash the most.
10. I think most people are lovable. I just don’t love them all; may again have something to do with effort. I often let my friends choose me, rather than vice versa.
11. I would like cats more if they liked me more. I love dogs unconditionally.
12. I love quotes. I used to keep diaries full of them, even the ones I didn’t like. Most of the times when my friends think I’m being “wise,” I’m just recycling quotes.
13. I have a good memory, I just wish I could remember right now what is the nature of things I remember well. Ah mostly they are the “you said…” type of memories.
14. My biology teacher – who tends to be quoted a lot in recent conversations – told me that I displayed a good grasp of things but sometimes had “alarming gaps in my knowledge.” This holds true for all areas of my knowledge. Some of you may remember my, “but wasn’t (Gamal Abdel) Nasser also assassinated” faux-pas.
15. History bores me. I think I want picture books about it so it’s easier to understand.
16. I learn a lot from picture books and cartoons. I was watching “Alice in Wonderland” today with Katherina, gaily clapping hands, and asking her questions. I don’t know why I don’t agree to sit and watch cartoons with her more often.
17. I think the universe sends messages to us. So when I watched “Alice in Wonderland,” it told me that when you need to be tiny, the world will send you a “drink me” and “eat me” potion that makes you tiny so you can fit through a door. The world will send things your way to help you with what you want to do.
18. I think that formal education is shit. I wish I could take Katherina out of school to a place where she studies music, dancing, and just being her. I still think I’ve had a fine education though.
19. If there’s one thing I could have changed about my education, it would be doing an MFA in writing instead of an MA in Comparative Literature. I think I may have at least come out with a book instead of bipolar disorder.
20. I’m happiest when I’m dancing or having a super witty repartee. And you can see it all over my face.
21. You can see me all over my face. I am pretty transparent. It’s a shame, because people can easily tell if/when I’m bored with their conversation.
22. I cannot read books, or do anything linear. Step-by-step bores me. I like leaps and bounds, and ages of rest.
23. I like the number 23. And I used to like the number 5. Numerologically, it works, because my birthday is 23rd May (05) 1979. But someone worked my numbers out and apparently I’m numbers 8 and 9, but more 9. I don’t really consult numerology.
24. In an interview for “International Student Leadership Conference,” I think they asked us what we’d like engraved on our tombstone. I had said, “She loved.” I think now my answer would be, “Yes, she loved you.” (Maybe because that’s what I think people coming to my grave would like to know, and what I’d like to tell them. Here is where this post again resembles Mary’s).
25. I think I’m still going Indian style – cremation. If you love earrings, you may end up in my will. :)
2. I am embarrassed and scoff at my own New-Agey nature. I also celebrate and love it.
3. I am highly self-critical and highly narcissistic. I will scorn and worship you equally.
4. I think in poetry. Example: paper = white = cloud = bird/dove = dove/love.
5. I don’t think I hate anybody; probably because I consider it a waste of effort.
6. I will text you things like, “the clouds are beautiful out today.” If you think texts are purely for sending information, I will probably bombard you with said messages.
7. I like annoying. I like pushing. I like being ironic. But I don’t like those things being done unto me.
8. I discovered speed dialing only recently. People on my speed dial (in order that their numbers are recorded) are Kailash (my brother), Mom, Dad, Joe, Nagham, Youssef. (I don’t have international dialing). Only 2 of those know about this blog. (As of 6 March, 3 people know, welcome Nagham!)
9. I love Kailash the most.
10. I think most people are lovable. I just don’t love them all; may again have something to do with effort. I often let my friends choose me, rather than vice versa.
11. I would like cats more if they liked me more. I love dogs unconditionally.
12. I love quotes. I used to keep diaries full of them, even the ones I didn’t like. Most of the times when my friends think I’m being “wise,” I’m just recycling quotes.
13. I have a good memory, I just wish I could remember right now what is the nature of things I remember well. Ah mostly they are the “you said…” type of memories.
14. My biology teacher – who tends to be quoted a lot in recent conversations – told me that I displayed a good grasp of things but sometimes had “alarming gaps in my knowledge.” This holds true for all areas of my knowledge. Some of you may remember my, “but wasn’t (Gamal Abdel) Nasser also assassinated” faux-pas.
15. History bores me. I think I want picture books about it so it’s easier to understand.
16. I learn a lot from picture books and cartoons. I was watching “Alice in Wonderland” today with Katherina, gaily clapping hands, and asking her questions. I don’t know why I don’t agree to sit and watch cartoons with her more often.
17. I think the universe sends messages to us. So when I watched “Alice in Wonderland,” it told me that when you need to be tiny, the world will send you a “drink me” and “eat me” potion that makes you tiny so you can fit through a door. The world will send things your way to help you with what you want to do.
18. I think that formal education is shit. I wish I could take Katherina out of school to a place where she studies music, dancing, and just being her. I still think I’ve had a fine education though.
19. If there’s one thing I could have changed about my education, it would be doing an MFA in writing instead of an MA in Comparative Literature. I think I may have at least come out with a book instead of bipolar disorder.
20. I’m happiest when I’m dancing or having a super witty repartee. And you can see it all over my face.
21. You can see me all over my face. I am pretty transparent. It’s a shame, because people can easily tell if/when I’m bored with their conversation.
22. I cannot read books, or do anything linear. Step-by-step bores me. I like leaps and bounds, and ages of rest.
23. I like the number 23. And I used to like the number 5. Numerologically, it works, because my birthday is 23rd May (05) 1979. But someone worked my numbers out and apparently I’m numbers 8 and 9, but more 9. I don’t really consult numerology.
24. In an interview for “International Student Leadership Conference,” I think they asked us what we’d like engraved on our tombstone. I had said, “She loved.” I think now my answer would be, “Yes, she loved you.” (Maybe because that’s what I think people coming to my grave would like to know, and what I’d like to tell them. Here is where this post again resembles Mary’s).
25. I think I’m still going Indian style – cremation. If you love earrings, you may end up in my will. :)
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